Monthly Archives: May 2010

In Which I Reflect On Life After Mom.

The Fankhauser Family poses for the Eddie Bauer catalog.

The Fankhauser Family poses for the Eddie Bauer catalog.

Today marks the ninth anniversary of the day my mother passed away. It’s strange to think that it’s been that long; so many things have changed since then. We moved and became homeowners, had a second child, I lost my job and am now back in school full-time. So many things that she was not a part of, and that’s just in my life. My sisters and brother, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends — we’ve all had to go on without her.

Someone — I don’t remember who or when — told me after Mom died that the grief doesn’t lessen with time, it’s just that the moments of grief get farther apart. Whoever said that was right. In those first few months after she passed away, those grief moments came barreling at me from all sides, often surprising me with how they made their way in. The obvious moments, of course, like tucking in Chester at night with the quilt that she made, finding cards or letters or pictures from years before — all of those moments brought what seemed would be unending waves of sadness and anger and frustration.

But there were also the moments that didn’t make sense, like a commercial or an offhand remark overheard at work that had nothing to do with anything.

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